So, here’s a interesting little report we noticed this week, via the Associated Press: “A truck carrying $1 million worth of Zumba fitness merchandise has been stolen from Miami.”
OK! Quite the caper. Thanks for bringing this to our attention, AP. The Post spoke to Zumba spokeswoman Allison Robins on Friday, and yes, she confirmed, a truck carrying more than $1 million in Zumba merchandise did indeed go missing this week.
The truck was later recovered, Robins said, but the gear — mostly pants and shoes — was gone. The goods were originally headed to Orlando, where a Zumba convention is being held.
So many questions were running through our minds while typing this. Among them:
• Wait … so someone basically just stole $1 million worth of neon workout pants?
• If someone did steal $1 million worth of neon workout pants, where do you even hide that? I mean, they are neon. Someone will see!
• Do authorities have any leads?
• Have they looked into that one girl I know from high school who posts semi-regular Zumba updates on Facebook (you know the type) and just will. not. stop. with the Zumba because honestly she seems a little too interested in Zumba if you know what I mean.
• Just kidding, Facebook acquaintance!
• In the absence of neon workout pants, can one Zumba in jeans?
• Can one Zumba in Zubazs? (Asking for a friend.)
• Hold up, Zumba pants cost $49?
• And why does this $39 Zumba hoodie have two drawstrings?
• Hypothetically speaking, if I’m a thief, isn’t a big truck like way more valuable than $1 million in neon workout pants? Basically what I’m saying is what makes neon workout pants more valuable than a big truck? Their stretchiness?
• Does this qualify as a peak Florida crime or does an area man have to be cited for that?