Donald Trump approached visionary inventor Elon Musk yesterday with an offer to name Musk as his Secretary of Transportation on the condition that he transport all the nation’s Muslims to Mars on his rocket ships. “This solves the problem of Mars volunteers and the problem of safety all at once,” said Trump, “because it wouldn’t be voluntary, and it wouldn’t need to be safe.”
“It would also solve the problem of Muslims, because people of different beliefs cannot live in close proximity, if the other people in question is me,” Trump added. “I love Muslims, believe me, and absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
“Mexicans can be solved with transportation even easier,” Trump continued, “with the Musk hyperloop tube going over the top of my wall. It wouldn’t need to be a loop, just a one-way tube, which could save some money for the Mexican government, and it would only have to go as far as the top of the wall, and spew from there. An absolutely fast way to clear our nation of rapists and judges.”
Musk is said to be thinking over the proposal, but plans have already leaked from the Musk studio showing a design for a luxury one-person, one-way vehicle to Uranus, with pink marble interior with gold fixtures, a full-length mirror and a Make the Solar System Great Again logo.