(Tom Toles)
Editorial cartoonist

We are gathered here today to listen to me speak. I have many things to say, all of them valuable. And true. Very, very true.

We have been reminded that life does not last forever, but I should point out to you that I myself am very much still alive, both personally and politically. The angry Democrats working for the out-of-control Mueller investigation have done their best, in their witch hunt, to hurt me politically, but here I am.

But enough about me. We are here to remember what John McCain thought about me. Not enough. They say “speak no ill of the dead,” but what about “speak no ill of the president”? That’s important, too. More important. Not everybody seems to have heard it.

A lot has been said already about heroism and loyalty. As for loyalty, Sen. McCain wasn’t always loyal to me. And I shouldn’t need to point out that I won the presidency, and he didn’t. But I will point it out, because it’s true. And I won with the largest majority in U.S. history, larger even than the majority won by the legendary Abe Lincoln and all the other Republican presidents — put together. Sen. McCain didn’t win at all, although some call him a hero.

What is heroism? Heroism is having the courage to put the White House flag back up to full-staff, even as disloyal aides kept trying to keep it at half-staff. Half-staff is surrender, essentially the same as being captured in war, like you-know-who. And then when we really needed him to be captured, in loyalty to my presidency, where was he? Disloyal. Put the flag back up to full-staff.

I don’t mean to be critical. We have to remember that we are all Americans, and that as Americans we need to come together and support the president, no matter the personal sacrifice required. When we think of sacrifice, we should think of making them for me. I do. I sacrifice every day for me and my family. Yes, Sen. McCain and I had our disagreements about this, but at the end of the day, I won the argument. By a record amount.

So let the American flag fly proudly, over my office, at full-staff, and let that be a lesson to you all. As today we say goodbye, to the America you used to know.