Pundits talk about other events the way they have talked about the ‘blue wave’

Jake Tapper Named Merely Most Handsome Man on Television, Not in World :) (Chris O’Meara/AP)

In Disappointment to Female Voters, 19th Amendment Passes Only Once

Truman Only Defeats Dewey For President

Disappointing Night for Rebels Who Only Manage to Destroy Death Star, Dashing Hopes They Might Also Have Engaged and Defeated Entire Imperial Navy

Waterloo Outcome Not All Wellington Could Have Hoped For, Fails to Deliver Napoleon Complete Rebuke

Edward Jenner, In Disappointing Find, Develops Smallpox Vaccine (Mumps, Rubella Remain Rampant)

Victory at Yorktown Could Have Been More Resounding

Moses Parts Red Sea in Half, Not Thirds

Faulkner Wins Nobel Prize for Literature, Comes Up Empty in Chemistry and Biology

Jesus Feeds 5,000, No More

NASA Manages to Land First Man on Moon, Falls Short of Mars

The Washington Post's Alexandra Petri hasn't read the comment since 2011. Until now. (Malcolm Cook, McKenna Ewen, Dani Player/The Washington Post)

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Texas, I see now that you love me and despise this Beto, and I embrace you

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