We’re deep into the school year and your middle-schooler’s grades are still unstable. To make matters worse, poor performance at school is eroding your child’s self-esteem. Parenting a middle school student is complicated. Questions about when you are helping or when you are helicoptering loom large.
But there’s still time for improvement before summer kicks in.
I’ve taught English at secondary level, tutored middle school students in writing, and I’m a parent myself. Here are practical suggestions for helping your child become more self-directed and how you can advocate for him in a way that’s not hovering.
FIRST: Learn as much as you can.
What are my child’s grades in each class? What are the consequences of failing a class? How can I/should I monitor those grades? Many schools use an online grade book where teachers, students, and parents have access to scores. This makes for fewer surprises when report cards are distributed. Find out what the consequences of academic failure are. Most schools address failing grades by removing students from extracurricular activities. This policy is usually explicitly stated in the school handbook. If your child is highly invested in the musical or soccer team, this policy can be an effective motivator to improve those grades.
In each class, how is the final grade for a marking period computed? Not all grades count equally. A quiz usually counts for far less than a test, project, or research paper. This information was probably outlined at the beginning of the school year. And while it’s likely that each department calculates grades differently, it’s unlikely that your child will remember how the grading in each class works.
What units will the teacher cover last quarter/trimester? What are the big assignments? Many teachers already know due dates for projects or can approximate dates for tests. Teachers plot out each marking period with learning objectives and assessments.
Does the teacher have his/her own website where students and parents can access information? When I taught English, I had a simple website. I uploaded PDFs of short stories, assignments, graphic organizers, and informational handouts. I updated my site regularly with homework assignments or housekeeping items (i.e. field trip money due). Browsing teacher websites is a good way to keep yourself informed about what’s going on in the classroom without having to email the teacher multiple times and wait for replies. Moreover, you can synthesize the information on the websites along with your child.
Where does my kid lose the most points? Is she crumbling on tests? Does he hand in essays late? As a teacher and tutor, I can usually identify the defining factor in a student’s failing performance. For some, it’s time management. For others, it’s a lack of study skills. Some come alive when we read aloud in class but have problems reading at home. If you want a full picture, this is a conversation to have with your child’s teacher by phone or in person.
SECOND: Make a plan with your child
Choose what to focus on. If you get answers to the questions above, you can use them to help your child budget her time. If your child knows what big assignments are coming up, he can focus on tackling one task at a time.
Get extra help. You don’t have to hire a tutor or pay tuition at a learning center. Those are viable options, sure, but many teachers offer extra help. Encourage your son to ask when and where extra help takes place. Extra help is typically a smaller group, so there’s more opportunity for your child to build rapport with her teacher and get questions answered.
Invest in a planner. Transitioning from one teacher in elementary school to six or seven teachers in middle school is jarring to students. Moreover, assignments have longer lead times. When I taught freshmen, I spent some time at the beginning of the year going over the school’s planner (a combo handbook, calendar, weekly organizer). Most adults keep some form of calendar, but maintaining an organized planner is not intuitive to most adolescents.
Teach your child how to email his teacher(s). Speaking of skills that are not intuitive, your child might be well-versed in new apps, but in sixth grade, she probably doesn’t know how to compose a good email. Writing polite, focused emails is necessary for success today. A few weeks ago, as my tutee Owen and I discussed his current English project, I realized he didn’t know enough about his teacher’s timeline or expectations. Instead of aimlessly circling the issue, we spent part of our session that night sending an email to his teacher. Owen asked questions about email etiquette like why does it need a subject or how do I write the salutation and closing. He was amazed at how quickly his teacher replied and how easy it was to get clarification. He’s a confident and capable adolescent. Knowing how to write an email is going to give Owen more agency in his academic life.
THIRD: Work the plan
Consistent and clear dialogue is key as you move forward. I’m willing to bet that once you have the necessary information and a plan, you and your child will feel less anxious. Less anxiety will make conversations with your child go more smoothly. I’m a believer in frontloading: Invest a good amount of time in the beginning and you’ll be able to pull away the scaffolding as your child builds his/her own study skills. Good luck!
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