The Washington PostDemocracy Dies in Darkness

This is the song that defines your life (according to some random Twitter person)

Giant panda Mei Xiang discovers a birthday cake meant for her cub Bei Bei, who turned 1 at the Smithsonian National Zoo in Washington on Aug. 20, 2016. (Linda Davidson/The Washington Post)
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One of the glories of social media is that it lets you self-indulge in unique ways, ways that would once have been impossible or hopelessly gauche or both. People now take pictures of themselves constantly and share them with friends, and their friends are like, great picture, thumbs up. Had you passed around Polaroids of your face to friends for their approval in the 1970s, they would have thought you were either deranged or Andy Warhol. But this is what we do now.

Sometimes a random person on social media will invent a new way for us all to obsess over ourselves. And so it was that Twitter user @swank0cean (a good username) invented this:

Where she read this is unclear. It doesn’t really matter. Had she read it in a scientific journal or had she read it on a piece of paper torn from a shopping bag, the effect is the same: We get to tweet about ourselves! Sure, the predictive power of identifying the song that was most popular on your birthday probably isn’t that robust, but The Washington Post runs horoscopes every day, so who are we to object?

However! Identifying the song that was most popular on your 14th birthday is not a trivial thing. First of all, you have to be able to add 14 to a four-digit number — no easy feat — and then you have to look up the top song on that day.

That’s where we come in. We made a tool, below, that will look up the No. 1 song on your 14th birthday and, as a bonus, show you the video for it, assuming one exists. Our data go back only to 1949, by the way, so if are 70 or older, sorry.

Now we’ll answer your next question: What song defines the life of LeBron James? Here you go.

Right on the money, at least for people in Cleveland.