Sometimes you read stories and you think, “Oh, it can’t possibly live up to the headline, there’s simply no way,” and sometimes you read a story and you think that and you get to the first sentence and you think “Oh, nevermind, this is the most perfect thing that exists on the Internet today.” With that in mind, here is the headline and first sentence of this amazing Associated Press dispatch about a duck:


(Screenshot)

I highly recommend you read the rest of the story here.

(That’s it, that’s the end of the post. I have nothing else to add. How could I? Police “quacked the case.” Cut, print, perfect.)