Four years after his death at the hands of U.S. forces, the final chapter of Osama bin Laden’s life continues to raise questions of huge geopolitical import:

Was the leader of al-Qaeda plotting terror attacks from his compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, at the time of his death?

Was he in contact with — or working for — Pakistan’s notorious Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI) agency?

How did the most wanted man in the world remain undetected in Abbottabad, a garrison town, in the first place?

Oh, and also…

What kind of porn was the dude into?

No, seriously. Bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad contained a “fairly extensive” stash of naughty goods, according to Reuters news agency in 2011. Reuters reported that officials were unsure about the precise location where the material was found or who might have been viewing it.

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What we do know, courtesy of the news service, is that the stash consisted of “modern electronically recorded video,” which means that the Internet-deprived terrorist was basically resigned to watching pornography on VHS like a teenage boy in 1987.

Is there any worse punishment, really?

In hopes of uncovering the terrorist leader’s pornographic predilections, a determined bro named David Covucci decided to send the CIA a FOIA request on behalf of the esteemed online periodical of jockish 20-somethings known as BroBible.

“I’m a man,” Covucci wrote last month, articulating his insatiable need to uncover the truth. “I can handle knowing what kind of porn Osama bin Laden watched. Ain’t gonna make me like him more, ain’t gonna make me hate him less.”

Here’s the request, edited for foul language:

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“We are not going to release these materials due to the nature of their contents,” Jeffrey Anchukaitis, a spokesman for Director of National Intelligence James Clapper, told the Guardian newspaper last month.

The Freedom of Information Act, enacted in 1966, essentially allows any U.S. citizen to petition the government for official information.

“It’s a pretty powerful tool for journalists and Bros alike,” Covucci wrote, noting that he believes “us dudes” have a “right to know what the world’s most wanted” was watching.

“Like… what if it turned out he exclusively watched white, male, American porn stars?,” Covucci added. “Wouldn’t that be anathema to his beliefs? Wouldn’t that be an interesting thing to learn about the man?”

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As it turns out, we’ll probably never know. In only a week, the CIA responded to Covucci’s request — but declined to play ball. According to the agency’s information and privacy coordinator, Michael Lavergne:

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“With regard to the pornographic material Osama Bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death, responsive records, should they exist, would be contained in the operational files. The CIA Information Act, 50 U.S.C 431, as amended, exempts CIA operational files from search, review, publication, and disclosure requirements of the FOIA. To the extent that this material exists, the CIA would be prohibited by 18 USC Section 1461 from mailing obscene matter.”

“I will give them credit,” Covucci wrote after receiving the reply. “They did cite a legitimate statute that allows them to avoid FOIA requests regarding operations.”

“Oh, well, Bros,” he signed off. “I’m sorry.”

Hold your head up, bro. Now you’ve got a cool letter you can frame.

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