(AP Photo/Ethan Miller, Pool)

An impassioned letter from Inmate No. 1027820 of Lovelock Correctional Facility in Nevada is not currently on its way to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Persistently bizarre rumors of OJ Simpson’s fatal brain cancer and subsequent plea for a presidential pardon are–surprise!–completely false, Simpson’s lawyer Osvaldo E. Fomo exclusively told us on Wednesday.

“I can assure the Post that Mr. Simpson, health-wise, is absolutely just fine. He’s looking forward to his appeal,” said Fomo. He then added a brief lesson in the legal process: “If he was suffering from anything the procedure would be to ask the governor of Nevada for release not the president.”

Late last week Internet posts about the former football star’s failing health began to pile on top of one another. An anonymously reported National Enquirer story was at the bottom of the heap. Outlets like the UK’s Daily Telegraph, The Washington Times, the Examiner and the Huffington Post, all quoted the Enquirer story that claimed the 66-year-old Simpson, who’s currently serving 33 years for robbery, begged the president, “Please, don’t let me die in prison.”

Fomo said the Simpson team gets a laugh out of tabloid reports. “I guess it’s a good way to sell newspapers.” Although we assume they aren’t chuckling too hard. Simpson’s bid for a new trial was denied last November.