They probably met on Thinder. (iStock)

Millennials are growing up. Here is a preview of the wedding section of tomorrow. (Any resemblance to real people and real situations is, of course, a mere coincidence.)

Jenna Howard and Nitin Gill met during the “dad bod” craze of 2015, which briefly allowed Mr. Gill, a 5, a shot with Ms. Howard, a 7. Ms. Howard first approached Mr. Gill after noticing his smallish biceps and overall resemblance to a burrito wearing a belt. Mr. Gill’s surprise that Ms. Howard later texted him was further compounded by his surprise that a woman so attractive could use semicolons correctly. Things turned serious for the Arlington-based couple after they discovered they have many shared interests, including brunch, the football-team-formerly-known-as the-Redskins, and brunch.

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Suri Bradburn-Sherman and Max Smith-Cross met on Tinder, a location-based dating app later revealed to be an data-mining operation for the National Security Agency. On their first date, Ms. Bradburn-Sherman was shocked to discover that Mr. Smith-Cross had never seen “The Wire,” an HBO television series with an insufferable cult following. For their second date, she invited him to her house to binge-watch the entire five-season series, which explores issues including drug-related crime and the crushing despair of urban poverty. By the time they finished the last episode, they were referring to each drink refill as a “re-up” — and to each other as The One. Neither has ever been to Baltimore.

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Alden Campbell and Mark Carberry met on Ashley Madison, a Web site for married adults seeking casual encounters and discreet affairs. The bride is an attorney at a boutique litigation firm whose hobbies include Pinterest and pinot grigio, and the bridegroom is a management consultant who enjoys golf and self-medicating. Ms. Campbell’s previous marriage ended in divorce. Mr. Carberry’s previous marriage ended in divorce.

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Natasha Wood and Eric Kristos met in Washington at a White House correspondents’ dinner after-party hosted by Thinder, a dating app for thin people. The bridegroom is the press secretary for Sen. Chelsea Clinton-Mezvinsky (D-N.Y.). The bride is an actress on “House of Cards,” a Netflix series about a Southern congressman turned vice president turned president turned vampire, now in its 11th season.

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Daenerys Flynn and Christopher Frankel-Singh were wed this weekend in Mountain View, Calif. The bride is Chief Innovation Ninja at tUber, an app that delivers potato chips on demand. The groom is Disrupter-in-Chief at Bieber Industries. The two met in Davos, Switzerland, where she was the only woman on a World Economic Forum panel on working mothers entitled “C-Sections and the C-Suite.” The couple plans not to vaccinate their children.

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Conservative Republicans don’t know how to feel after two closely held corporations, Sustainable Capital Ventures LLC and Morningside Synergy LLC, were gay-married last weekend in Nantucket. The ceremony was co-officiated by Lloyd Blankfein and Lady Gaga.

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Daniel Finkelstein and Blue Ivy Carter were wed last weekend in a private ceremony on her parents’ spaceship. The bridegroom is a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. The bride, a model, fashion designer and actress, is the star of Lena Dunham’s Snapchat original series “Broads.” The bride’s father, Shawn Carter, is an entrepreneur and retired hip-hop artist formerly known as Jay Z. The bride’s mother, Beyoncé Knowles Carter, is a singer, songwriter and 2024 presidential candidate.