(Tinder)

Last night, Tinder had a Twitter meltdown about Vanity Fair’s article that painted the app as bringing about a “dating apocalypse.” Tinder’s defensive tweets sounded a lot like what you might hear from someone you’ve rejected, who really wants you to give it another shot.

Here are a few choice tweets from last night — and how they might sound if they came straight from your love life.

https://twitter.com/Tinder/status/631249125959335936

Translation: I know a few of my friends told you I’m a creep, but that’s just a random, biased sample. What about my other 1,765 Facebook friends you didn’t speak to, huh?! I’m sure they’ll tell you I’m a catch.

Sometimes Tinder needed more than 140 characters to make its point:

Translation: You’ve misread my intentions. Sure, I made that comment about your cleavage five minutes into the date, had trouble making eye contact and got handsy quickly. But I am really looking for a relationship! Just ask my exes: I have lots of them, and they all said they were the reason we broke up, not me. See I’m a catch.

Maybe you’re the one who’s not serious.

How would you know about my stellar relationship history? You didn’t even ask.

Translation: I’m relationship material! I’ve had lots of serious relationships — and they’ve been multicultural and gay, too. I also have lots of friends. Have I told you about my friends? They think I’m a catch.

Translation: I know our first date didn’t go well, but you really could’ve done better. You could’ve asked me about our mutual friends or my hobbies. I would’ve told you about how I’m really in to photography. I can’t believe you’re not interested, because I have waaaaaay more Twitter followers than you do.

Translation: You have the wrong idea about me. But whatever — I’ll be fine.

Seriously, though, I’m a catch.

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