Blake and Sam matched on Tinder in late July. They messaged for a few days, then went on a first date just before the clock struck August. They are of ambiguous ethnicity, gender and sexuality. (Because, of course, labels are so passe.) And they are not real … but they might be.
Aug. 1 | 11:15 a.m.
Blake: Hey there! Last night was so fun. Let’s do it again sometime.
Sam: For sure. This month, though.
I’M ALL OVER THE PLACE.
B: August, man. Me, too.
Aug. 4 | 12:30 p.m.
S: Boy, is it hot.
S: We should celebrate surviving this day!
Artisanal popsicles at that hipster dessert bar we passed the other night?
B: Oof — just seeing this now! Phone battery died earlier. Womp womp.
S: Can’t do tmw. Leaving for my cousin’s best friend’s boyfriend’s beach house; back late Sunday.
B: Oh, that’s right. Have fun!
S: Thanks — will do my best.
You around next week?
B: Yes, till Thurs. Then off to Shenandoah. Camping trip!
S: Cool. Let’s touch base early next week then.
B: Sounds good — will do!
Aug. 9 | 7:58 p.m.
S: Yo! Back from the beach, and totally burnt to a crisp.
B: Ouch. When I said “send nudes,” that is not what I meant!
S: Ha. Play your cards right and maybe next time…
Speaking of, when are we hanging?!
B: Wanna grab a drink at that new absinthe bar on Tuesday? They have a killer patio.
S: Let’s do it. 8 p.m.?
B: You got it. See you then.
S: Looking forward.
Aug. 11 | 4:34 p.m.
B: Hey, so I’m the lamest. Was excited to see you tonight, but I have to postpone. Work is insane; I have a big deadline tomorrow and I’m totally behind.
S: Sorry to hear that. August, man. Why are we even working?
B: Seriously. Why ARE we working?!
S: Because everyone else is on vacation.
Pardon my absinthe absence. Next two rounds on me!
S: Deal. And good luck!
Aug. 17 | 8:22 a.m.
B: Hey there. Back from the mountains (which were lovely, btw). How was your weekend?
S: Hi! It was great. Lots of sun but no skin-cancer PSA pics to share this time.
B: Bravo. What’s on tap for this week? Would love to see you.
S: I know, me too. But I’m up in Cape Cod with the fam this week.
B: Ah! That’s right. Enjoy!
When are you back?
S: Back next Monday.
When’s your Hawaii wedding, though?
B: Aug. 29. But I’m taking the whole week off — flying out there this Saturday.
S: Good for you.
B: Bride is going a little bonkers, btw. Wish me luck!
S: Of course she is. She’ll chill out, though: It’s Hawaii. Stress is illegal or something.
S: You don’t need luck — only sunscreen!
B: The SPF 70 is at the ready, baby! Reconnect once I’m back?
S: Of course.
Aug. 31 | 10:12 a.m.
B: Hey there, remember me?
S: Sure do. Remember me?
Ready for that second date?
S: Yeah, so about that …
I’m in a relationship now.
But I’ll give you a shout if it doesn’t work out!
B: August, man.