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Blake and Sam matched on Tinder in late July. They messaged for a few days, then went on a first date just before the clock struck August. They are of ambiguous ethnicity, gender and sexuality. (Because, of course, labels are so passe.) And they are not real … but they might be.

Aug. 1 | 11:15 a.m.

Blake: Hey there! Last night was so fun. Let’s do it again sometime.

Sam: For sure. This month, though.

I’M ALL OVER THE PLACE.

B: August, man. Me, too.

Aug. 4 | 12:30 p.m.

S: Boy, is it hot.

B: Boy.

It is.

5:45 p.m.

S: We should celebrate surviving this day!

Artisanal popsicles at that hipster dessert bar we passed the other night?

10:45 p.m.

B: Oof — just seeing this now! Phone battery died earlier. Womp womp.

Tomorrow instead?

S: Can’t do tmw. Leaving for my cousin’s best friend’s boyfriend’s beach house; back late Sunday.

B: Oh, that’s right. Have fun!

S: Thanks — will do my best.

You around next week?

B: Yes, till Thurs. Then off to Shenandoah. Camping trip!

S: Cool. Let’s touch base early next week then.

B: Sounds good — will do!

Aug. 9 | 7:58 p.m.

S: Yo! Back from the beach, and totally burnt to a crisp.

[peeling-shoulder selfie]

B: Ouch. When I said “send nudes,” that is not what I meant!

S: Ha. Play your cards right and maybe next time…

Speaking of, when are we hanging?!

B: Wanna grab a drink at that new absinthe bar on Tuesday? They have a killer patio.

S: Let’s do it. 8 p.m.?

B: You got it. See you then.

S: Looking forward.

B: Likewise.

Aug. 11 | 4:34 p.m.

B: Hey, so I’m the lamest. Was excited to see you tonight, but I have to postpone. Work is insane; I have a big deadline tomorrow and I’m totally behind.

S: Sorry to hear that. August, man. Why are we even working?

B: Seriously. Why ARE we working?!

S: Because everyone else is on vacation.

B: Exactly.

Pardon my absinthe absence. Next two rounds on me!

S: Deal. And good luck!

Aug. 17 | 8:22 a.m.

B: Hey there. Back from the mountains (which were lovely, btw). How was your weekend?

S: Hi! It was great. Lots of sun but no skin-cancer PSA pics to share this time.

B: Bravo. What’s on tap for this week? Would love to see you.

S: I know, me too. But I’m up in Cape Cod with the fam this week.

B: Ah! That’s right. Enjoy!

When are you back?

S: Back next Monday.

When’s your Hawaii wedding, though?

B: Aug. 29. But I’m taking the whole week off — flying out there this Saturday.

S: Good for you.

B: Bride is going a little bonkers, btw. Wish me luck!

S: Of course she is. She’ll chill out, though: It’s Hawaii. Stress is illegal or something.

B: Right.

S: You don’t need luck — only sunscreen!

B: The SPF 70 is at the ready, baby! Reconnect once I’m back?

S: Of course.

Aug. 31 | 10:12 a.m.

B: Hey there, remember me?

S: Sure do. Remember me?

B: Vaguely.

Ready for that second date?

S: Yeah, so about that …

I’m in a relationship now.

But I’ll give you a shout if it doesn’t work out!

B: August, man.

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