But maybe this setup comes from a co-worker whose last name you can never remember. Or that girl you went on a couple of friend dates with last month. How can she play matchmaker if she doesn’t know about your aversion to sushi and your fondness for freckles, or get your bone-dry sense of humor?
If she’s friendly with you and him, her loyalty lies somewhere in the middle. So when she describes him, her explanation will be riddled with friendisms — euphemisms or descriptions of someone’s characteristics whittled down into an innocuous statement such as “he’s funny.” What does that even mean? What if he’s Daniel Tosh funny? #HardPass.
To help you filter through the fluff and find the actual gold nuggets, we’ve come up with an unscientific list of common friendisms and translated them into real talk. Because that’s what real friends do.
Friendism: He has a great personality (mentioned before any other characteristic).
Translation: As Yoda would say, a Chris Hemsworth, he is not.
Translation: He does CrossFit competitions and has no less than three buckets of mega-ultra-ripped-primal-animal-instinct protein powder on top of his fridge.
He’s really into the outdoors.
Translation: He goes camping or hiking every weekend. If you’re into campfire hair and doing your business in a hole in the ground, then by all means go for it. Otherwise, come hang with us on the couch.
He’s super outgoing. Or: He has a lot of friends.
Translation: Dude hates to be alone. Most of your dates will probably include other people. So will your romantic getaways.
Translation: Get ready to do all the talking.
Translation: You’re probably already asleep. Yup, he’s that boring.
Translation: He might also be a womanizer.
Translation: Expect to hear a lot about being centered or the importance of breathing mindfully. Take a deep breath and namaste yourself outta there.
Translation: This could go either way. He could be an adorkable, quirky Joseph Gordon-Levitt or an awkward, never-been-kissed Michael Cera. Ask your friend to elaborate.
Translation: Boat shoes and lobster-patterned shorts. ‘Nuff said.
He’s artistic, edgy or kind of a hipster.
Translation: He has visible tattoos and is fond of beanies regardless of the weather. How do you feel about man buns?
He has a great sense of humor.
Translation: See “he has a great personality,” above.
Girlfriend, you’re welcome.