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N.Y. Post warns of the perils of dating ‘hot women.’ Here are 20 other types to avoid.

The cover of Thursday’s New York Post.
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Presenting this week’s hate-read, courtesy of the New York Post: “Why I won’t date hot women anymore.” The story begins by a courageous 40-year-old man with a “muscular build and a head full of hair” explaining why he’s sworn off the model-like ladies he used to court in favor of a brunette who, while beautiful, is a lowly 5 feet, 2 inches and therefore cannot walk the runway.

“Beautiful women who get a fair amount of attention get full of themselves,” he told the Post. “Eventually, I was dreading getting dinner with them because they couldn’t carry a conversation.”

Both men and women go on to explain why they find model-like hotties to be vapid and vain. But why stop at the physically gorgeous? There are plenty of reasons not to date all sorts of people and things. Here’s a non-definitive list:

People with good personalities: Bad for your self-esteem. Nothing makes you feel worse about yourself than spending time in the company of an individual who likes to volunteer, enjoys woodworking and can readily offer up obscure, interesting facts about ancient Mesopotamia. We get it! You can read! Braggy much?

The goal-oriented: Partners too oriented toward a goal have terrible peripheral vision.

A nice girl: Such women will allow you to let your guard down, making it easier for attackers to exploit your weaknesses.

The well-traveled: The poorly traveled are more easily impressed with your date-night suggestions.

Clean-shaven dudes: Unlike their bearded counterparts, these men have no place to store food on their faces, thus making them less useful should you find yourselves stranded together in a desert.

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Smartypants: No one likes being lectured by a garment.

Girl next door: You have to break your lease if it doesn’t work out.

CrossFit bros: They will keep trying to hit your spare tire with a sledgehammer while you’re trying to change a flat.

Teachers: Walking Petri dishes of elementary school diseases.

Sandwich makers: Expects an engagement ring in exchange for making 300 good sandwiches, which is a super-weird barter-and-trade scenario.

Comedians: There’s only one star in this show and it ain’t gonna be you, darling. Also, insufferable. And broke.

Yelp reviews for adult life experiences

Power-forwards: Less likely you can establish your dominance in the relationship through your preferred method, which is by dunking a basketball in a gymnasium.

Slow typists: Endless anxiety caused by staring at the ellipses on your iPhone’s messaging app as you await your partner’s response.

Smokey the Bear: Shows his lack of responsibility by relinquishing all fire-prevention duties to you, and only you.

Popeye the Sailor Man: His enlarged biceps and over-consumption of spinach point to a troubling nutrient surplus. Also he doesn’t enunciate. Really, lots of reasons to pass.

Leprechauns: You can’t wear green without it turning into a couples-matching thing and ugh, how gross.

Pigeons: Too flighty.

An emoji: Lots of ambiguity and mixed signals. Why can’t a peach just be a peach?

Breakfast sandwiches: A first date is not a good time to discover the severity of your gluten intolerance.

The self-check-out kiosk at a grocery store: Trying to complete the simplest task together ends up with you looking like a dummy who needs third-party assistance.


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