Don’t buy into the myth that Valentine’s Day is a couples-only holiday. Whether you’re in a relationship, looking for love or avoiding it, there are many ways to celebrate the Hallmark holiday in the District. And none of these involve going out to eat.
Do a good deed for yourself, and others, by donating your ex’s clothing to a worthy cause. Hank’s will be collecting gently used apparel to donate to the local charity Martha’s Table. Afterward, toast your closet clean-out with a celebratory cocktail, such as the “Ultimate Heart Break Play List,” sparkling rosé with a shot of Avion tequila and strawberry with lime zest; or “It’s Not You, It’s Me :),” a chocolate-infused mezcal with Dopo Teatro vermouth and mole. Feb. 9-14. Drinks start at $10. 1624 Q St. NW.
The rotating wine list at Maxwell Park has taken on a “Love Stinks” theme for February. Look for special aromatic wines, including some with the Brettanomyces yeast that provides a funky, earthy character. 5 p.m. to midnight. Maxwell Park, 1336 Ninth St. NW. Free admission; wines priced individually.
Were you recently dumped? The felines of the Georgetown cat cafe, Crumbs & Whiskers, can help you return the favor. Customers are invited to write their exes’ names in Sharpie on a new litter box, which the cafe’s cats will later use to relieve themselves. Free with regular price of admission, which also includes 70 minutes of cat cuddles. Feb. 1-14. ($18 Monday-Friday; $22 Saturday-Sunday; $6.50 for a 15-minute walk-in). Reservations can be made online ahead of time. 3211 O St. NW.
Round up your girl squad for a boisterous screening of the final installment of E. L. James’s Fifty Shades trilogy. Don’t torture yourself by holding back on your giggles: Audience commentary is encouraged. Feb. 9 and 10 at 8:20 p.m., Feb. 11 and 14 at 7:40 p.m. $14. 20575 Easthampton Plaza, Ashburn, Va.
Even Carrie Bradshaw had her moments. Five other New Yorkers take the mic, chronicle their perils of dating in the Big Apple. The storytellers will share their most cringe-worthy and comical sexual encounters for your entertainment. Feb. 10 at 9 p.m. 1811 14th St. NW. $15.
Step behind the bar with a OneRoute Mixology mixologist, who will teach you bar tricks, techniques and several craft cocktail recipes. Class includes hands-on instruction, light snacks and, of course, quality drinks. Feb. 13, 6 to 7:30 p.m. $52.73 for women, $62.98 for men. Includes crafting supplies and small bites. Cloak & Dagger, 1359 U Street NW.
Be your own valentine and treat yourself to Woven Psyche’s three-hour, self-love workshop, which includes mini tarot card readings, vision boarding, “love potion” making and, of course, Valentine’s Day cards and treats. Feb. 13, 7 to 10 p.m. $120 a person. 3015 Georgia Ave. NW.
No date is better than a bad date. Need convincing? Local storytellers will regale you with their worst dating experiences. Feb. 13. Doors open at 10 p.m. $19.50 ($22 online with processing fees). 21 and older. 2009 Eighth St. NW.
‘The Princess Bride’
Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse pairs “The Princess Bride” — an outing fit for date night or a group of single friends — with performances by stand-up comics before the movie begins. Feb. 14 at 7 and 9:45 p.m. Arlington Drafthouse, 2903 Columbia Pike, Arlington. $10.
At Mortified, adults share excerpts from their diaries, bad teenage poetry, love letters from summer camp or notes passed in 10th grade math class. These true stories are hilarious, cringe-inducing — sometimes both. The annual Doomed Valentines performance will make you glad you’ve grown up and gotten over than high school crush. Or have you? Feb. 14. Doors open at 7 p.m. $17-$20. Town Danceboutique, 2009 Eighth St. NW.
The restaurant’s “It’s Not Me, It’s You” happy hour runs from 5 to 6:30 p.m. and features thematic cocktail and food specials including “Love is a Battlefield” (a devil’s food cupcake with angel icing topped with mini toy soldiers). Feb. 14 from 5 to 9:30 p.m. 8301 Grubb Rd. Silver Spring, Md.
Forgo dating apps and instead, dance, mingle and meet other Valentine’s Day cynics. Perhaps you’ll forge a bond over your mutual dislike for chalky heart-shaped candies and cheesy Hallmark cards. Feb. 14 from 6 to 10 p.m. $10 a person. Ticket includes entry and two glasses of alcohol. 727 15th St. NW.
“No Valentine? No problem!” is the theme of this matchmaking company’s single’s day soiree. Start the evening off by tossing your ex’s photo into a burning cauldron before heading to the roof for cocktails and conversation. You even may find a valentine by the end of the evening. Running late? Don’t fret. The Glamsquad will be offering last-minute makeup touches, starting at 4 p.m. Feb. 14 from 6 to 10 p.m. $15 a person.
Can’t bury the hatchet? Try throwing an ax at a picture of your ex. Bad Axe Throwing will let you use the photo as a target and coach you through the process. Feb. 14 from 6 to 10 p.m. $20. 2419 Evarts St. NE.
Breakups are tough. Breaking a sweat is much easier. Ease your heartache by pedaling to anthems about lost love at SoulCycle’s Mount Vernon location. Feb. 14 from 6:30 to 7:15 p.m. $30. 601 Massachusetts Ave. NW.
Looking for a more relaxed evening? Charles Stokes will be reciting poetry from his latest book, “Love, Pain & Poetry,” and later comedian Sonny Fuller will provide some levity. Feb. 14 from 7 to 9 p.m. $20, includes admission and one signed “Love Pain & Poetry” book. 5331 Baltimore Ave. Hyattsville, Md.
What’s more cathartic post-breakup than belting out your favorite kiss-off track at full-volume with a room full of strangers? The People’s Choir DC’s singalong session, hosted at DC9, promises to cover ”the roller coaster of emotions that come with breakups” and are letting patrons pick the tracks. Feb. 14. Doors open at 7 p.m. and singing starts at 7:30 p.m. Free. 1940 Ninth St. NW.
Nothing will make you want to run from love faster than the collection of movies Slash Run has lined up for the evening. DJs Wingnut and Tara Robles will be spinning party tracks while scenes from “Fatal Attraction,” “Leaving Las Vegas” and “The War of the Roses” are projected. “It’s a party honoring the ‘hater’ and the petty,” says Slash Run general manager Christine Lilyea. Feb. 14, 7 to 11:30 p.m. 201 Upshur St. NW. Free.
Embrace your inner Beyoncé in 305 Fitness’s heart-pumping, 55-minute cardio dance class. You’ll feel like you’re starring in your own music video, as a live DJ spins tracks and neon strobe lights illuminate the dance floor. Afterward, cool down with some much-deserved red wine and pizza. Feb. 14 from 7:30 to 8:25 p.m. $29 (food and alcohol included). 1328 Florida Ave NW.
A first-date crash course from Washington Post Date Lab writers, Solo-ish writer Lisa Bonos and sports reporter Neil Greenberg. These experienced daters will offer tricks on how to avoid, and recover from, classic first-date pitfalls and advice on how to turn a bad date into a good time. Feb. 16, 5 to 7 p.m. Busboys and Poets, 2021 14th St NW. Free.
Love local art? Join the Transformers, a local nonprofit organization, in celebrating and promoting D.C.’s creative community. In addition to live music and art, singles and couples alike can enjoy tarot card readings, portraits, body painting and a photo booth. Feb. 17, 7 to midnight. $35 per person, or $60 per couple. VIP tickets, which include a pizza buffet and open bar, are $65 per person, or $100 per couple. 5037 Connecticut Ave. NW.