It’s hard not to click on the trailer for Lindsay Lohan’s new OWN reality show, “Lindsay” — the troubled starlet’s latest attempt to get her act together, courtesy of the Oprah Winfrey Network. A warning: after you watch it, just get ready to feel sad about Hollywood, fame, family, New York, money and life in general.
Still, it’s enticing as it offers an explanation of the downfall of modern celebrity, which is something we see practically on a daily basis. (Just today, in fact, new police videos of Justin Bieber were ordered to be released. Because the first ones weren’t enough.) Anyway, the network is planning to take down the “Lindsay” trailer after 48 hours (the show debuts Sunday night at 10 p.m.), so we’ll transcribe the most upsetting parts.
“There’s nothing left in having a drink, for me,” Lohan narrates in the opening scene. “What’s left in that feeling? Nothing. There’s no party that I haven’t gone to, no person that I haven’t hung out with. There’s no situation that I haven’t, you know, been exposed to.”
Cut to: Paparazzi staked out of a building, snapping photos as Lohan runs inside. “Got her!” yells one photog triumphantly. Another perches on a stoop with a laptop, quickly uploading pictures. “The public is very greedy, they need this, quick.”
“I don’t want them following me to an AA meeting,” Lohan tells someone off-camera.
“Do you ever feel like you’re a prisoner?” another woman asks her.
“Yes,” Lohan answers quickly. Then she laughs. “All the time.”
It is truly sad. The worst parts of the two-minute trailer include a cringeworthy fight with her father, Michael Lohan, who’s also frequently in trouble with the law. We see Lohan talking about her own self-sabotage followed by her breaking down in tears.
Things only get worse when Oprah herself appears, quite unhappy as she is told about Lohan being difficult during production. “She has changed things every single day, not following the rules that we agreed to, not participating,” a producer tells Oprah.
“This is exactly what everybody said was going to happen, and I believed differently,” Oprah sighs.
Sorry, Oprah, not buying it — you were hoping this would be TV gold. Later, Oprah appears alongside Lohan, giving her a lecture.
“I really do want you to win,” Oprah says. “I really do, if that isn’t what you want, I’m okay with that. I will tell these guys to pick up and leave today.”
Lohan nods in agreement. “No, it’s not that I’m not ready to do that,” she says, highly unconvincingly. “I know that this is my last shot at doing what I love to do.”
But even we know that’s a lie — because as long as people remain fascinated by celebrity trainwrecks, she can keep this act going as long as she wants to.