The Washington Post

Hax Philes: A reminder of past behavior causes a crisis of confidence

From the May 23 chat:

I am the LW from Tuesday’s column about the boyfriend with trust issues. I wrote that actual letter about 8 months ago. Unfortunately for the commenters (and apparently myself) I am still with him. And it is going extremely well. Honestly, right now is the happiest I have ever been in my life, and he is a big reason why. I think we’ve done a lot of growing up, together, and I’ve also stood up for myself enough that he’s stopped treating me like I constantly need to defend myself.

However, there are moments when I realize how insecure he still is. He’s not letting it out full blown like he used to, but occasionally he’ll make a joke that I’m pretty sure is serious underneath it all. Is this progress, or is this still a serious threat to my future happiness? Honestly, I believe we get along wonderfully, and I see no threat of rage or violence as some commenters had concerns over. We’re even living together and are able to maintain our own lives and activities separate from each other, while making fabulous roommates. But honestly, this reminder of how it used to be has me shaken up.

Can I take a deep breath and enjoy what I have, or do I still need to continue questioning things?


» See all Hax Philes discussions    

Carolyn Hax started her advice column in 1997, after five years as a copy editor and news editor in Style and none as a therapist. The column includes cartoons by "relationship cartoonist" Nick Galifianakis -- Carolyn's ex-husband -- and appears in over 200 newspapers.



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