An apologetic Toronto Mayor Rob Ford returns to work after two months of substance rehabilitation. (Reuters)

Nope, embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford still isn't going anywhere.

In fact, he’s back and better than ever (according to Rob Ford). Fresh from a two-month stint in rehab, Ford re-emerged Monday to issue an apology for his behavior while under the influence of drugs and other addictions, and also to pitch voters on his reelection campaign.

“When I look back at some of the things I have said and some of the things that I did when I was using, I’m ashamed, embarrassed and humiliated,” Ford told reporters at a news conference Monday, his first day back on the job following some time at the GreeneStone rehabilitation facility. “I was wrong and I have no one to blame but myself.”

Ford’s 15 minutes of fame has been a long and sordid affair. But it should come as no surprise that his reelection plans haven’t at all been stymied by the nearly constant controversy that has surrounded his mayorship.

The story that began with crack last November ended that way many months later when a video emerged of Ford smoking from another crack pipe, allegedly in his sister’s basement.

And that brings us to this moment. Speaking like someone who has dutifully internalized the consequences of addiction, Ford said he is committed to the long road to recovery.

“I deeply, deeply regret some of the personal choices I have made in the past,” Ford said. “I now realize that I was blind to the dangers of some of the company I kept, and those associations have ended.”

But he made it clear that he intends to continue his crawl back to redemption — fully in the public eye.

“With your support I’m also resolved to continue to work harder than ever for the taxpayers of this great city,” Ford said. “I look forward to serving you for many, many more years.”

There will be more stopping of the “gravy train” on behalf of Toronto taxpayers, Ford pledged.

Of course, two of Ford’s opponents plan to counter with their own news conferences after Ford’s, according to CBC.

And he got off on the wrong foot with the Canadian media before he even arrived at the podium by making the news conference “invitation only,” according to CBC:

Torontoist editor Hamutal Dotan spoke about the media access issue on CBC Radio's Metro Morning show Monday.

"Members of the press gallery have not been invited," she said. "The president of the press gallery has not been invited. It's a very constrained group of people.

"If that's how [Ford] is handling himself on his first day back, that sets a very different tone than, for instance, if he held an open press conference where any member of the media could attend and we could ask questions on behalf of the residents of the city who want to know what rehab was like for Ford, how he's feeling now, how he plans to deal with the stresses of the campaign trail."

Despite the invitation-only stipulation, Ford did not take any questions.

Looks like Saturday Night Live's Bobby Moynihan gets to keep his day job, too: