Yes, Rep. John Dingell, you are doing it right.

Every Halloween, Twitter users celebrate by making puns. This would seem unremarkable at all other points of the year, since 46 percent of Twitter users have been found to use the social media platform primarily for making bad puns about current events that can no longer be accurately described as current two minutes after springing into being because ... what were we talking about again?  It is Twitter; you can take solace/unfathomable sorrow in the fact that no one will remember any of your jokes.

On Halloween, however, the puns are made in the Twitter handles, allowing users to make the same joke every time they tweet. People enjoy this. It is so much fun.

If you still don't understand, there are many explainers on how to make a Halloween Twitter handle.

According to Newton's first law of Internets, however,  a meme continues to move at a constant velocity, until acted upon by an old person. Halloween Twitter handles lasted for a year before @john_dingell, oldest person of them all (roughly), found them. However, @john_dingell, contrary to popular belief, is not an old person; the staffers running his Twitter feed cumulatively have less life experience than Dingell, we assume. But other politicians are sure to follow.

Unfairly, the politicians who most deserve to have Halloween Twitter handles — the ones who are actually ghosts — will never have the chance. No, we are not talking about politicians who will soon no longer be in office or are doomed never to be elected. We are talking about the politicians who star in scary/action movies for a living now, because they are dead and have nothing better to do.

In short, we thought it far more noble to donate Halloween Twitter handles to those in need than to waste hours thinking of our own.


Long image via the Social Security Administration. Kennedy via Abbie Rowe/The White House/John F. Kennedy Presidential Library/Reuters. All others via Flickr: Washington, Lincoln, FDR, Madison, W.H. Harrison, Nixon, Calhoun, Kefauver, Reagan, T. Jefferson, Davis, Franklin and Paine.