Perhaps you will never be elected to Congress. Or worse, perhaps you will never have the opportunity -- as the newly sworn-in members of the 114th Congress had  Tuesday -- to have Vice President  Biden stand two feet away from you and offer you a compliment. Maybe a slightly weird or inexplicable comment, maybe a comment that's vaguely inappropriate, but still: A compliment from the vice president of the United States.

Allow us to fill that void. We culled some of Biden's bonnest of mots from Tuesday's swearing-in ceremonies, as well as a few from the 2013 edition of Biden complimenting victorious elected officials and their families, and extracted them from the context of the moment. That means these are real things that Biden said, but you can imagine he is saying them to you. Sure, he might call you a man even though you're a woman, or he might make a slightly salacious comment about a non-existent sister, but  in our opinion, such flubs only add to the realism.

Take it away, Joe.