(Scott Roth/Invision/AP and Syfy)

The SyFy network announced Monday that Dallas Mavericks owner and "Shark Tank" star Mark Cuban will play the president of the United States in "Sharknado 3," which is set in Washington, D.C., and will be released in July. Conservative commentator Ann Coulter will play his vice president (No, you are not dreaming. This is real fictional life.).

Politically, Cuban has described himself as a libertarian who's read "The Fountainhead" three times all the way through. (Who hasn't?) He's been asked in multiple interviews if he would run for president, but he said he won't ("Hell f***ing no," he told S.E. Cupp last year). He is, however, open enough about his political beliefs to piece together what his alternative reality administration would be like.

Here's where President Cuban would stand on the issues:

Abortion

"That's something I'd rather not get into. But across the board, you can pretty well bet that I don't think the government should be involved in your bedroom, your personal ... morality. I think morality should be left to each individual."

Banning large sodas

"Even though big soda bans would have cost me money at Landmark theaters, I actually like it."

Equal Pay

"Should not be legislated. If you are good enough to compete for a top-level corporate job, you should be smart enough to know what the job pays the other gender and negotiate accordingly."

FCC regulation of the Internet

"Having them overseeing the Internet scares the s*** out of me."

Government surveillance

"I don't know enough about NSA policies. It's always a concern when the government decides to target a citizen's communications, and there is always the possibility for abuse. It scares me, but I don't have an answer for it."

Marijuana

"Yes [we should legalize marijuana]. And release prisoners who are incarcerated for pot."

Obamacare

"I love the concept. The execution, to this point, has been miserable."

Privacy

"Privacy matters. And it will only matter more in the future."

Same-sex Marriage

"I don't care."

Student Loans

"We should put a limit on the amount of federal guarantees available for student loans. If we started a program that put a limit at $50,000 per year next year, then $40,000 in three years, then $30,000 in six years, down to $10,000 in 10 years, you would see the price of education drop like a rock."

Taxes

"Those of us who have benefited from our way of life here in the United States have also got to be willing to share a little bit more and pay a little bit more."

Two-party system

"I don't think anybody identifies with either party any longer. ... I'd love to see a third party form."