Mitt Romney said that he would pass on running in 2016 because, while he thought he could win, he'd be too battered by the process. So instead, he'll box Evander Holyfield.
We are not making this up.
The Salt Lake Tribune broke news of the bout Monday. It's a charity event, to be held May 15 near Salt Lake City, with proceeds going to Charity Vision. The Romneys have been active with the group for some time; last year, Mitt and his family traveled to Peru to help diagnose and treat eye problems.
There is still a pretty big jump from "I would like to help a charity" to "I want a former heavyweight boxer to punch me." According to Mitt's son, Josh, the evening would be "patterned after a 1920s-style event." Meaning, I guess, that it will look something like this.
Just kidding, of course. Romney will probably be heavily padded, and the "bout" will likely result in no damage to either party. It's like a normal boxing match, but skewed.
It will also make Mitt Romney only the second most random person ever to be in the ring with Evander Holyfield.
Mitt Romney. Always second.