Somehow, I didn't know that Mama Grizzly Radio existed, probably because I live on one of the coasts and not in Real America, which includes Alaska despite it being on a coast. The network touts itself as offering "Sarah Palin news 24-7" -- a slate that includes a weekly show called "The Palin Update with Kevin Scholla." (One Palin update from this week's program: "President Obama finally lowers flags to half-staff to honor our Marines shortly after Governor Palin and others demand he do so.")
But the real news on that show came when Donald Trump joined Scholla. The host asked Trump if he might appoint Palin to a Cabinet position. "I'd love that," Trump responded. "So would we," added Jimmy Kimmel, Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon, basically.
It raises the question, though: What would a Trump Cabinet look like?
Because Trump is busy poring over poll numbers and reviewing tape from focus groups, we went ahead and cobbled it together for him.
Vice President: Oprah Winfrey, per Trump's past suggestion. Would she run with Trump? If Donald Trump can convince the Hispanic vote to come out for him, which he insists he can, he can certainly convince Winfrey to join his ticket. He has great negotiators.
Secretary of the Interior: Sarah Palin. Granted, Palin would probably like something a little more substantive than this, but what other candidate can brag about having toured the country hunting various animals for a TV show? In case Palin declines, maybe reach out to that dentist.
Attorney General: His go-to counsel, Michael Cohen.
Secretary of Homeland Security: Joe Arpaio. Trump's campaign shot into the stratosphere after his appearance with Arpaio at an immigration event in Arizona. This has the added benefit of helping to keep the Department of Justice off Arpaio's back.
Secretary of State: We know that Trump thinks that Hillary Clinton was the worst secretary of state in American history. He clearly wants the opposite of that. So how about Vladimir Putin, whom Trump has repeatedly praised? He's pretty opposite.
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: Ivanka Trump. Public housing is basically just a no-frills hotel, right?
Secretary of Health and Human Services: Dr. Oz.
Secretary of Transportation: Christophe Georges, president of Bentley Motors.
Secretary of Energy: Manoj Bhargava.
Secretary of Education: Michael Sexton, former president of Trump University, which was a thing.
Secretary of Agriculture: Secretary of Agriculture: Tom Fazio, Trump's golf course architect. Who knows more about proper watering and vegetation maintenance than this guy? Also, the imminent desertification of swaths of California sounds much better if you think about the process as "the creation of challenging new sand bunkers."
Secretary of the Treasury: Donald Trump. Sure, it's more common for the president to appoint someone else to this position, but who's better at managing money than Donald Trump? No one. He's the best.
Secretary of Veterans Affairs: Donald Trump. Sure, it's more common to etc., etc. But who cares more about the veterans than Donald Trump? No one.
Secretary of Defense: Donald Trump. Sure, etc., etc., etc., ISIS, etc. No one.
Secretary of Labor: Position will be left unfilled.