Let's just start by saying this exercise assumes President-elect Donald Trump will actually have a White House press secretary who delivers regular briefings. As the Huffington Post's Michael Calderone pointed out earlier this week, "there's nothing stopping Trump from deciding not to hold a daily press briefing or kicking media outlets off the White House grounds."
If the incoming commander-in-chief sticks to precedent, however, he will need someone to stand at a podium and talk to reporters every day. Here is a not-so-short, not-entirely-serious list of people who could do the job with grace or make news conferences totally bananas.
As Trump's lead spokeswoman during the campaign, Pierson is a logical fit. She often pushed back hard against journalists' questions -- and occasionally gave eyebrow-raising answers -- but seldom lost her temper. The White House press corps could be in for some exasperated head shakes, however.
The Trump campaign's main press contact stayed behind the scenes throughout the election, but Hicks is certainly accustomed to fielding reporters' inquiries. If Trump wants someone to project serenity in the briefing room, Hicks — who was photographed next to current Press Secretary Josh Earnest during Thursday's White House visit — would be a good pick.
Breitbart News's Washington editor is basically part of Trump's team already. In a January story, The Washington Post's Paul Farhi recounted how when Boyle "asked Trump about his rising poll numbers after a Republican debate last summer, Trump broke into a broad smile and high-fived the young journalist in front of startled onlookers in the post-debate spin room."
On election night, Boyle was one of two Breitbart reporters with "guest" passes, not press passes.
Matt Boyle (in a guest badge) at the Trump party was spotted giving thumbs up and shouting “looks good”— Hadas Gold (@Hadas_Gold) November 9, 2016
Guess who Trump's other Breitbart guest was? If he really wants to shake things up, Trump could install Yiannopoulos — the self-described "most fabulous supervillain on the internet" — as his press secretary. Just imagine briefings with this guy (profanity warning):
Scottie Nell Hughes
The CNN commentator endured her share of mockery during the campaign, but her status as the "world's most loyal Trump surrogate" (according to GQ) could be a big-league plus in the eyes of the next president. Trump places a premium on loyalty, and he needs a press secretary who will stand up for him, no matter what. When many surrogates hid after The Washington Post published Trump's "do anything" to women tape, Hughes defended him. She has proved that she will always go to battle for Trump.
Hughes's CNN colleague also displayed a quick-thinking ability to fight back against virtually any criticism of Trump. Considering how polarizing some of Trump's policy proposals are, he could use a press secretary who is skilled at making a strong, affirmative case. He could do a lot worse than McEnany, a Harvard-educated lawyer.
The Trump campaign's rapid response director knows how to combat news stories that his boss considers unfair. Combat is kinda his thing; before joining Team Trump, Cheung was communications director of the Ultimate Fighting Championship.
A senior communications adviser to the Trump campaign, Miller has a solid press secretary resume: He previously held the same position in Ted Cruz's presidential campaign and has advised Rudy Giuliani, Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin and Rep. Mark Sanford (R-S.C.).