Today, in news of the olds: An oblivious Connecticut mother — or a very hilarious troll! — wrote to Dear Abby worried that “twerking” would derail her teenage son’s Ivy League ambitions. To quote her hysterical letter, printed in the nationally syndicated advice column today:

The other day I overheard my older son (age 17) talking with a friend about “twerking.” I have never heard of it and now I’m worried. Is twerking a drug term? Is it similar to “tripping,” “getting high” or “catfishing”? My 17-year-old is supposed to go to Princeton next year on a sports scholarship, and I’m afraid “twerking” will derail him from his charted path.

Abby helpfully informed this “troubled mom in Connecticut” that twerking is “a dance move recently made famous by Miley Cyrus,” and that there’s no relationship whatsoever between tripping and twerking. (Or tripping and catfishing, for that matter.)

The exchange was very civil, all things said. I would’ve just replied with this link.