After all, who’d’ve thunk a mask that once disguised the faces of naked Japanese Internet-chefs would one day end up … here?
No one knows for sure just when the horse head mask morphed from a novelty into a full-fledged meme. Even Archie McPhee — purportedly the original retailer of the latex max, which began as a Halloween costume — writes it off as a “creepy” thing that “has popped up all over the Internet in recent years.” But Internet things, as we know, rarely just pop up on their own — and this one had its fair share of accelerants.
In 2003, for starters, the short-lived Japanese anime Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu (not to be confused with Full Metal Panic!, Full Metal Panic! The Second Raid, or half a dozen shows of similar names) introduced a truly bizarre character called Pony-man — a horse-headed villain who pursued schoolgirls with a hairbrush, of all things. (A sample of translated dialogue, from TV.com: “He forced her to the ground, brushed her hair lightly, and tied it up to a pony tail.” Eek.)
Pony-man easily could have disappeared into the cultural void, as so many other bits of anime weirdness presumably do. But the horse masks were already on the market, courtesy Archie McPhee, and so pony-man kept cropping up.
Two years after Full Metal Panic aired, Lonely Planet recommended wearing a horse mask while traveling in its “Guide to Experimental Travel.” (Said reference is now selling for 70 cents on Amazon, which possibly indicates the wisdom of vacationing with stupid masks.) And not long after that — post-Drew Barrymore and post-MTV, but pre-middling stand-up career — the comedian/actor Tom Green donned a horse mask for an episode of his Internet talk show, “Tom Green’s House Tonight.”
But before the horse mask could truly become a (sub)cultural mainstay, it had to go back to its weird Japanese roots. In January 2008, a performance artist named “Wotaken” filmed himself cooking/eating psychedelic mushrooms, naked, while wearing a horsehead mask and dancing to the Final Fantasy soundtrack. Nearly 2 million people have watched what the original uploader called “possibly the most disturbing thing I’ve seen on the Interweb.” (Needless to say, we can’t embed the full video in a family newspaper — but by all means, go watch it here!)
The rest, they say, is history: a million copycats, and a lot of new horse mask manufacturers, embraced the mask as a vehicle for Internet shock and silliness. There’s the Scottish man known as “horse-boy,” hilariously caught by Google Street View in 2010. The German busker who calls himself “Neigh-Kid Horse” and plays guitar in only his mask and his underwear. Heck, even D.C. has gotten in on the craze: At the height of Hurricane Sandy, some local eccentric jogged through a live news shot with his horse mask on. Buzzfeed quickly christened 2012 “The Year of the Horse Head Mask.”
“I’ve walked (more like stumbled) down a street with this on, was lots of fun,” wrote one Amazon reviewer in the bumping Q&A section for Accoutrements’ rendition. “Be sure to have a ‘chaperone’ guide you (and observe peoples’ reactions for the retelling), otherwise you might die an ignominious death wearing a horse head.”
The question that Amazon reviewers can’t answer, unfortunately, is whether the horse mask is still cool and quirky now that even the Dad in Chief is down with it. Perhaps it’s time for the Internet to embrace a new costume. May we suggest … the squirrel?