Sure, there are some April Fools’ pranks that are good. But most of them are bad. To illustrate this, we are collecting as comprehensive a list as we can of all the hoaxes from 2016’s April Fools’ Day.
We’ve placed an angry person flipping a table ( (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻) next to all of the cheating, shameful pranks that launched before April 1. Shaaaame.
This list will be updated through the day. If you see any we’ve missed, please let us know.
7. An online art store did not surface a long-lost interview with Pablo Picasso.
9. The HR software start-up Gusto isn’t going to start supporting benefits for dogs.
11. No matter what app you buy him, your dog will still never know how to code.
12. ThinkGeek is, as always, not selling all the products it claims.
21. GrubHub is not launching Grüber, a ride-sharing service that allows people to hitch a ride with a food delivery driver.
23. You can’t hire people to read to your cat on Groupon
24. Pornhub’s homepage is not now Cornhub.
26. Royal Caribbean will not sell cruises to space. That doesn’t even make sense.
39. The Smithsonian American History Museum (can we consider this a brand?) has not switched to a gross 1940s menu in its cafe.
40. Edible Arrangements is not launching a $20,000 gold-plated fruit bouquet.
42. Kars4Kids, a car-donation charity that benefits youth, will not trade you a child in exchange for your used vehicle.
53. Don’t try to buy this fake bed bug-proof suit.
60. 3D-printed clam chowder? No.
75. A dog-walking and boarding startup isn’t going to start walking cats, too.
94. An Apple-accessory maker has not developed a flying speaker that follows you around.
Fake Dating-Site Launches
3. Neither is the online art store Canvas Pop (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
6. Dating site Zoosk is not actually matching singles on their burrito-ordering preferences.
5. St. Petersburg’s Hermitage museum has not trained a bunch of cats to do restoration work, and said cats are not headed to Palmyra.
12. Chris Christie is not resigning his governorship to become the new NFL commissioner.
23. This Daily Caller story about “gender declaration parties” for teens is satire. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
OK FINE this one is good
Miscellanea We Do Not Have the Heart or Energy to Categorize
1. While this April Fools’ tweet from the British Milk Council was excellent, the British Milk Council is not a real thing. (The real-life corollary is called the Dairy Council, and its Internet presence is far more boring.)
[This post was originally published at 7:18 a.m. on April 1, and has been updated multiple times]