(Charles Dharapak/AP)

After weeks of pressure from civil liberties advocates, President Obama has released the legal justification underpinning the National Security Agency's bulk phone-records surveillance program. And what it amounts to is this: Protecting the nation is more important than privacy breaches that — let's face it — really aren't that bad! Below, a selection of the 22-page document's key arguments.

The Patriot Act allows us, the government, to grab "tangible things."


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This includes things that you may not consider so tangible, like electronic records.


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We, the government, can use these records so long as it's relevant to an investigation. There's a complex legal definition, but we looked it up in the dictionary for your sake.


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Technology produces tons of data. Sadly, technology isn't so advanced as to be able to read our minds and find exactly what we're looking for. So bulk gathering it is!


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But don't take our word for it. Congress probably meant us to adopt an expansive view (quiet, Rep. Sensenbrenner).


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But we know our limits. We promise not to go after your medical records, if only because they'd be useless to us.


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By the way, the Fourth Amendment doesn't apply here. But let's suppose it did.


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Since it'd be exhausting for us and a lot of wasted tax dollars for you, it should be okay if we got permission from the FISC in advance to seize future phone records.


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And it's all constitutional. So we're good, right?


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