My friend Glen Whitman posted this to his Facebook page, and I thought it very funny. (I’m very much against the idea of the Western states seceding, and I don’t think it’s a realistic possibility; but I can certainly appreciate an amusing pastiche.) In any case, from Glen:

Ever since November 8th, my wife has been semi-seriously advocating the idea of “Pacifica,” a new nation composed of CA, OR, WA, HI, and parts of NV. When I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas, she said she wanted me to compose a national anthem for Pacifica. I’m not totally sold on Pacifica myself, but when your beloved makes a request that clear, you pay attention. So I filed it away, never mentioning it, but secretly working on it. On Christmas Day, she was surprised and pleased to find this in her stocking:

“Pacifica”
(to the tune of “America, the Beautiful”)

Let’s break away, the whole West Coast
To flee from you-know-who.
We’ll take the states we love the most
We’ll take Las Vegas, too!
Pacifica! Pacifica! A land that’s (mostly) free!
We’ll smoke some weed, get gay-marr-ied
And save de-moc-ra-cy!

The Union was a grand ideal
A pure and righteous thing
But now we need to break the seal —
A conscious un-coup-ling!
America! America! It’s time to call it quits.
But don’t you cry, it’s not goodbye —
We’re friends with benefits!

The Constitution, we adored —
America’s contract.
But now it doth resemble more
A suicidal pact!
America! Pacifica! We’re codependent, see?
We need some “me-time” for ourselves —
And you need therapy!

From San Diego to San Juan
And all the wine country,
With Google and with Amazon,
We’ll do just fine, you’ll see!
Pacifica! Pacifica! A new road we have found.
You’ll find us on the PCH
Always — with — the — top — down