May we respectfully suggest: This is a blessing in disguise, Taylor. Yes, losing out on that potential half million hurts. But now you can’t be solely blamed for inflicting one of the worst Oreo flavors ever imagined upon humanity. Cherry cola Oreos are very, very bad. They’re so bad that when I tried one blindfolded for the video below, I asked why they smelled like floor cleaner. They’re so bad that I needed to brush my teeth after eating them, because the unpleasant, chemically created soda flavor tends to linger on the palate.
They don’t seem like a far cry from any of the other novelty Oreo flavors that have come before. The company’s strategy has leaned heavily on a dizzying array of new flavors, some more successful than others. Peanut butter Oreos and mint Oreos are winners, with a tried-and-true flavor profile. Others have been gimmicky: Peeps Oreos, “mystery” flavor (it’s Fruity Pebbles), firework Oreos filled with popping candy. And still others should have been left on the drawing board: Watermelon is not a flavor that’s known for going well with cream. Swedish Fish Oreos apparently looked and tasted like cherry ChapStick.
I suppose it could have been worse. According to USA Today, the company entertained the idea of avocado-flavored Oreos. There could have been unicorn Oreos, too — right on the heels of Kellogg’s Unicorn Cereal, and a year after the unicorn Frappuccino, which started/ruined everything. And the other flavors that cherry cola Oreos are competing against are within the bounds of acceptability. There’s piña colada Oreo Thins — a little cloying, but fine — and kettle corn Oreos, which taste overwhelmingly of caramel and contain puffed millet pieces that emulate the texture of candy corn. They unfortunately suffer from a lack of pizazz — who has ever gotten excited about puffed millet? — but they’re definitely the best flavor of the three.
Cherry cola Oreos, on the other hand, are a science experiment: Red and white icing swirls together with popping candy, which only exacerbates the unpleasant Robitussin flavor of this alleged treat. It’s like a bag of Haribo Happy Cola gummies went rancid. Some people on Twitter report that they are “not that bad.” Those people are either 5-year-olds, or they’re wrong. People can vote for the winning flavor through June 30. You know what to do.
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