Getting wax on your birthday cake is, for sure, the very definition of a First World Problem. It’s one that falls somewhere in between “My hair is too shiny” and “The hotel towels aren’t soft enough.” But it’s a problem with a solution: What if, instead of wax, birthday candles were made of chocolate?
Make a wish and it will come true. One Company, Let Them Eat Candles, has made birthday candles you can actually eat. Think about it: When’s the last time there was innovation in the birthday candle space? There are trick candles and sparkler candles and those candles that come in cute little letter or number or cartoon shapes. But otherwise, this is a great leap forward in birthday candle technology.
They come in milk and dark chocolate in packs of three, and they’re printed with whimsical patterns to match your birthday cake. The candles have a short, fast-burning wick, which lasts just long enough to sing “Happy Birthday to You” twice (“Birthday song: 22 seconds. Candle burn time: 55 seconds,” the box helpfully notes). You could also try to prank people with them, by blowing them out and taking a huge bite from the other side while the wick is still smoking.
You have to remove the wick before you eat the chocolate. I’m not sure what will happen to you if you eat the wick — and I am certain that, despite the warnings on the box, people will eat it anyway, because that’s what people do — but I’m pretty sure you won’t die or anything. It’s made of paraffin-coated cotton, so it won’t taste great. But hey, neither does wax.
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