It’s decorative gourd season. It’s edible gourd season. And, best of all, it’s gigantic gourd season.

The world is garbage lately, right? And don’t we all need a way to cope? And isn’t looking at photos of beaming people standing next to their hog-size pumpkins just as valid a method as, say, screaming into a pillow in a darkened room until you’re hoarse? Join us on a journey into this polite and gentle ritual display of agrarian pride!

Paddle it through a lake of pumpkin spice lattes, my friend. This is a real thing that people do for fun, somehow.

These pumpkins are thicccccc.

Allow me to introduce you to my large adult son, this pumpkin.

Never mind that they are grown for their size, not their beauty, so the pumpkins all look like lumpy deflated beige hot-air balloons. YOU’RE DOING AMAZING, SWEETIE.

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