Right now, in the milk in your fridge, residual streptococcus bacteria are consuming lactose to make lactic acid — which is, in turn, decreasing the pH of your milk to the point where another bacterium, lactobacillus, takes over to finish the process. As the lactic acid in your milk continues to flourish, you’ll know: Take one whiff, and you have sour, spoiled milk. It is a familiar and unpleasant surprise, especially when you haven’t performed the all-important smell test and poured it directly into your cereal.
Or you could just buy the new Sour Patch Kids cereal from Post.
“Sour” and “milk” are two words that food companies and consumers typically don’t want to see together. Yet somehow, Post forged ahead with this candy-flavored cereal even though the company is asking you to pay money to do to your milk what bacteria would do for free. The cereal is the same size and shape as candy Sour Patch Kids, and tastes like Froot Loops. But it’s dusted with that familiar Sour Patch sour sugar, which quickly dissolves into the milk.
The problem with this cereal is not just that it makes the milk sour — thus depriving you of cereal milk, one of life’s simplest pleasures — but also that it opens up a portal to hell regarding What Foods Can be Other Foods.
It used to be that only chocolate junk food, such as Oreos and Chips Ahoy, were acceptable breakfast cereals. Now that we have Sour Patch cereal, what’s next? Will there be Jelly Belly cereal? Twizzlers oatmeal? Laffy Taffy granola? Pop Rocks yogurt? In both the breakfast aisle and the Sour Patch, all the moral strictures of society have dissolved.
Anyway, your kids will probably go nuts for this? It’s available at Walmart stores beginning Dec. 26.
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Correction: A previous version of this story said that the pH of milk increases as it gets more acidic. Actually, it decreases.