Kourtney Kardashian unveiled her new lifestyle website, Poosh, Tuesday morning. It’s full of stories like “How to look good naked” and “An instant butt lift with Coach Joe,” but the one article that has become a standout is a simple recipe: “Kourt’s Signature Salad.”
We have questions.
1. What is Kourt’s signature salad?
It’s a composed plate that includes: half an avocado (sliced), two hard-boiled eggs (quartered, though the photo of the recipe shows only one egg), one hothouse tomato (no slicing instructions, but the photo shows it quartered), two tiny balls of fresh mozzarella, salt, pepper and olive oil. The recipe notes that Kardashian omits the cheese. The website calls it a “a healthy and filling dish,” which is an awfully quaint fiction.
2. Is this a salad?
I mean, the definition of salad is pretty broad. Is Jell-O salad a salad? What about tuna salad, which is more of a spread? Macaroni salad? Ambrosia? Couldn’t poutine technically be a salad? (It is, under the Cube Rule.) Yes, unfortunately, this is a salad. The question you’re actually asking is below.
3. Is this a good salad?
No. This is a very sad salad. First of all: Use a whole avocado, life’s too short. Second: Take a note from Samin Nosrat and add some acid to that dressing. Third: Maybe try adding . . . some other ingredients? A little lettuce or something with crunch. Add canned tuna and green beans, and it’s at least a little closer to a Nicoise. At the very least, don’t take away the best part, which is the cheese.
4. Don’t the Kardashians know what a good salad tastes like?
Yes, actually! They eat salads on their show all the time. According to Page Six, they get them from a place in Calabasas called Health Nut. Kim Kardashian has tweeted about her order, which is a chef salad (chicken, romaine and iceberg lettuce, shredded mozzarella, tomatoes, sprouts and sunflower seeds) and a mango iced tea. They also order the Chinese chicken salad with chow mein noodles, pickled ginger and carrots on romaine and iceberg lettuce.
5. Why do all celebrities think they are good at food?
Probably because when you get really rich, you surround yourself with obsequious people whose job it is to convince you you’re good at everything, including food, even though most of your meals are prepared by other people, and that’s why fame is a prison of loneliness and narcissism? Anyway! There are a few decent recipes on the site — Kris Jenner’s “famous” brownies are fine, I guess — but Kourtney Kardashian is no Chrissy Teigen.
6. Why does the word Poosh give me the creeps?
I’m not sure either, but it sounds . . . digestive.
More from Voraciously: