As Shante Monique Broadus, wife of the legendary rapper, actor and entrepreneur, said on a recent Instagram post for Beyond Meat, “Ain’t no party like a plant-based party!”
“Hello,” added Snoop, cool as a cucumber, putting an exclamation point on that sentence.
Snoop’s relationship with Beyond Meat has recently taken him to the glazed (not blazed) confines of Dunkin’, the chain previously known as Dunkin’ Donuts until somebody realized that chocolate-dipped French crullers were not the health food America desired. Last fall, when Dunkin’ introduced the Beyond Sausage Sandwich to stores nationwide, Snoop agreed to a promotional stunt in which he served as an employee for the day.
Just gotta say, Snoop rocks that Dunkin’ visor.
Snoop has returned to Dunkin’ for a limited-time offering: the very same Beyond Sausage Sandwich but pressed between a warm glazed doughnut, sliced in half. The item will go by the name Beyond D-O-Double G Sandwich, a reference to both the rapper’s name and his 2004 song, “Snoop D.O. Double G.” You can order it with or without an orange square of American cheese.
As circumstances would have it, I ordered the Beyond D-O-Double G Sandwich twice in the same day. Both times the person behind the counter had no idea what I was talking about, even though I dropped Snoop Dogg’s name as if we were buddies. In both instances, the employee had to grab a manager, who proceeded to demonstrate how to prepare the D-O-Double G. It involved opening refrigerated drawers and prep counters, pulling out precooked patties and eggs, and assembling and heating them into the warm stack of processed foodstuffs.
You don’t look at this sandwich and imagine family farms, with free-roaming chickens happily pecking away at bugs and grasses under cloudless blue skies. You imagine factories with stainless-steel tanks and people in lab coats who wish they were on family farms.
Once you remove the D-O-Double G from its wrapper, you quickly discover one of the sandwich’s flaws: Because the item is heated before serving, the glaze on the doughnut reverts to its liquid state, with all the attendant stickiness. If you try to wipe your hands on a napkin, your fingers will turn into a papier-mache project. Whatever you do, do not touch your phone right after taking a bite.
The Beyond D-O-Double G is just the latest attempt to add more doughnuts to our diet. Remember the Luther Burger, a bacon cheeseburger served on a Krispy Kreme doughnut? (It was a nod to a favorite snack of the late R&B legend, Luther Vandross, may his arteries rest in peace). Last year, if you’ll recall, KFC tried to win the chicken sandwich wars with a terrifying combination of fried bird and doughnut. Now, Dunkin’ wants to adulterate its popular Beyond Sausage Sandwich by treating it like carny food.
Three words of advice: Don’t do it. And not just because one order offers all the nutrition of, well, a doughnut sandwich. (According to the nutrition chart from Dunkin’, a Beyond Sausage Sandwich packs 480 calories, 24 grams of total fat and 920 milligrams of sodium, while a glazed doughnut contains 240 calories, 11 grams of total fat and 270 milligrams of salt. Of course, to determine the exact nutritional data for the Beyond D-O-Double G, you’d have to subtract the stat line for the English muffin that wraps around the original Beyond sausage sandwich. Then again, if you’re measuring out your life in these kinds of numbers, you should probably just eat some fruit.)
The D-O-Double G has none of the satisfying soft-crispy contrasts of the KFC limited-time sandwich. What it does have is a blabbermouth’s skill at dominating the voices around it: The doughnut glaze all but stifles the breakfast sausage flavors of Beyond Meat’s ingenious patty, literally sugarcoating the more delicate notes of sage and spice. The elements of sweet and savory are all out of whack. The first thing you do is find something, anything, to get the flavors out of your mouth.
The second thing you do is worry, should you eat the whole Beyond D-O-Double G Sandwich, that this will not end well. You know what I mean. That gurgle in your belly is the first warning.
The Beyond D-O-Double G is available until Jan. 19, but once the promotion is over, customers can order a Beyond Sausage Sandwich and request a glazed doughnut instead of the English muffin. The suggested retail price for either is $3.99.
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