You may have heard how the White House has rejected a petition to build a Death Star ("The administration does not support blowing up planets"). But it's not the only fringe idea that's prompted an official response from the administration, which promised to reply to any "We the People" petition that gathered more than 25,000 signatures. Here are a couple of choice replies:
Secession? We've been through this already, folks.
As President Abraham Lincoln explained in his first inaugural address in 1861, "in contemplation of universal law and of the Constitution the Union of these States is perpetual." In the years that followed, more than 600,000 Americans died in a long and bloody civil war that vindicated the principle that the Constitution establishes a permanent union between the States. And shortly after the Civil War ended, the Supreme Court confirmed that "[t]he Constitution, in all its provisions, looks to an indestructible Union composed of indestructible States. (Response to "Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America," which the administration didn't quite address in its response.)
Thanks for letting us know you want to impeach the president! No, really.
Believe it or not, petitions like the one you signed are one of the reasons we think We the People is such a valuable tool. There are few resources that do more to help us engage directly with people about the issues that matter to them — especially people who disagree with us. So let us use this opportunity to set the record straight...Here's the important thing, though. Even though this request isn't going to happen, we want you to walk away from this process with knowledge that we're doing our best to listen -- even to our harshest critics. (Response to "We request that Obama be impeached for the following reasons.)
Want the White House's own beer recipe? Here you go!
To be honest, we were surprised that the beer turned out so well since none of us had brewed beer before. As far as we know the White House Honey Brown Ale is the first alcohol brewed or distilled on the White House grounds. George Washington brewed beer and distilled whiskey at Mount Vernon and Thomas Jefferson made wine but there's no evidence that any beer has been brewed in the White House...Like many home brewers who add secret ingredients to make their beer unique, all of our brews have honey that we tapped from the first ever bee-hive on the South Lawn. The honey gives the beer a rich aroma and a nice finish but it doesn't sweeten it. (Response to "Release the recipe for the Honey Ale home brewed at the White House," which includes the recipes at the bottom.)
You can read the rest of the White House's responses to the petitions here.