— "The [case] became known as United States of America v. One Tyrannosaurus Bataar Skeleton."

— "A creature with a long, snake-like body, many legs and a voracious appetite was recently discovered near Loch Ness."

— "No, I’m lying, the alligator wasn’t pregnant.”

— "I said you don't understand; we're going to lose her if you don't treat her. She told me I'd just have to accept that."

— "Quite possibly, I would get to the gates of heaven and Ida Tarbell would be sitting there like, 'Wait, wait, *you're* one of those guys who let The Atlantic die?'"