— "A World War II-era report by the Navy titled 'Shark Attacks on Human Beings' remained classified until 1958, when the Moss Subcommittee inquired whether the report warranted classification."

— "We believe our outreach has made a huge difference since lightning-related deaths on golf courses have decreased by 75 percent."

— "Crated and captured!"

— "Everywhere you look, panicked investors are clamoring to exchange their dollars—which can only purchase about two cents apiece right now—for more stable dimes and quarters, which are trading at $18 and $32.25, respectively."

— "Don West, one of George Zimmerman's defense attorneys, apologized for his poorly received knock-knock joke both before and after he told it."