--- "Listen: Don’t think being temporarily dead is necessarily going to excuse you from some academic expecting you to perform like a lab rat."

--- "In a training video posted by the Denver Westword in 2011, Donahue tells students that if a guy gets sperm anywhere near a girl's vagina, it will turn into a 'little Hoover vacuum' and she will become pregnant."

--- "That is what football coaches call being 'in space,' because, if you deprived them of their intramural jargon, most football coaches would be approximately as articulate as your average manhole cover."

--- "She is a model of can-do 21st-century girl power whose vision of romance is positively medieval—fairy-­princess, shining-knight, prancing-­unicorn medieval."