"Sequestration is the frozen body of Han Solo hanging on the Republicans’ palace wall."

"The problem with the PlayStation 3 is that it never really made money."

"At that point, discussion of 834s entered full freak-out mode."

"Nobody’s counting the bodies.”

"No cash, no gift cards are ever okay, as gifts from a donor, they're always 'No Way!'"

"Why anyone would bring that much marijuana into the Pentagon is anyone's guess."

"It’s pretty hard to spot porkers from that height, unless the pigs can fly, too."

"In an attempt to explain foreigners' fixation with China's national symbol, the article observed that pandas are objectively 'adorable,' and also that the online broadcast of Tai Shan's birth may have led its many U.S. viewers to feel a connection to the cub."