"Darwin also has a Curious George stuffed monkey that he takes to a tub for a bath."

"Clutching a jagged hacksaw while staring unblinkingly from his black ski mask, a terrifying figure has reportedly been selling dead trees to passersby in the Fairfax Middle School parking lot for two weeks, sources confirmed Monday."

"Even if both members of a loving domestic couple decided to hurl their feces out of the window into the gutter, that’s not even legal anymore."

"Here is my kid asking for a present from the future, and that represents one of the more reasonable items."

"She was hit by an airborne deer."

"This is the best evidence yet that Mars had swimming holes that stuck around for thousands or perhaps millions of years.