The resignation letter is on Donald Trump’s desk, and Kirstjen Nielsen is gone. Or rather, will be gone, as soon as they figure out a legal way for a fresh beast, its hour come 'round at last, to slouch toward the lectern to become the new face of the Trump administration’s immigration policy.
As she goes, the whispers are already spreading: Could the former head of the Department of Homeland Security be the Resistance within the Trump administration? Senior officials close to the matter speak feelingly of her opposition to the president’s policies and her desire to keep him within legal limits.
Kirstjen Nielsen just wants you to know: She was rooting for you, all along. She believes in the law. A little-known fact about Kirstjen Nielsen is that whenever President Trump wanted to do something bad, she was right there, objecting in the name of the law. Not many people know this, because it was not obvious from the policy stances that the department wound up embracing, but — we know, now. Please be reassured.
The terrible thing you saw was only the dangling glowing protuberance on the head of the immense submerged monster you did not see. Keep that in mind going forward as you decide whether Kirstjen Nielsen should be welcome in restaurants or on cable news.
Truly, truly there was no one more appalled by what Trump was asking the Department of Homeland Security to do than she was, which is why she only implemented the really heinous parts when she felt that a show of force was necessary to impress him and keep her job (that she might better continue to resist).
As she reluctantly leaves this post she fought to stay in, putting the bodies of others on the line (to resist), sources can safely reveal she was probably, no, definitely, the most disgusted of anyone by what Trump wanted. That was why she was frequently seen holding her nose as she implemented it.
It’s going to be excruciating for Kirstjen Nielsen to be separated from this job. To be separated from this job will make her eyes well up, just a little, so she thinks she understands what those people at the border felt when someone (someone awful, whom she despises!) decided to unleash tear gas on them.
When protesters accosted her at a restaurant, secretly, she was like, “Yes!” She was actually also at the restaurant to yell at the person responsible for implementing the ghastly policy of family separation, and it just conveniently happened that that person was herself! Sources can confirm, now, that she found that horrifying.
She was doing her part. If saying that the administration did not use cages for children could make it so — she certainly said it several times!
When you look back over the sands of resistance and only see your own footprints, that is when Kirstjen Nielsen was standing behind a lectern saying, “Sir, we don’t use cages for children. Sir, they’re not cages.” That counted as resistance, too, technically. That, she thinks, was the heaviest lifting of all.
She could not believe that Trump would suggest separating children from their parents a second time. She wants you to know that it took real courage to say, “Again?"
She wishes the best of luck to her successor and urges them to continue her vibrant tradition of preventing the president from going too far. Resist! Stick to your morals. Remember not to agree to implement a policy of separating families more than once during your tenure! Only use tear gas when absolutely necessary to impress the president. Stay strong. Kirstjen Nielsen is rooting for you.
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