It's simple. (Andrew Harnik/AP)
Columnist

“[Barr] plans to redact four categories of information: grand jury material, information that could reveal intelligence sources and methods, details that could compromise ongoing investigations, and information impacting ‘peripheral’ third parties.”

The Hill

Green: Grand jury testimony.

Red: Reveals intelligence sources and methods.

Blue: Compromises ongoing investigation.

Orange: Impacts peripheral third party.

Teal: Blue marker ran out.

Salmon: Reveals unflattering detail about the experience of staying at a Trump property or resort.

Crossed Out In Gold: President Trump was trying to highlight because he thought it exculpatory but pen was too big.

Whited Out: Not redacted, just a typo.

Crossed Out in a Zodiac Symbol With Many Tiny Pen Strokes: Person redacting watched cursed videotape.

Each Letter Filled Meticulously by a Variety of Colors to Form a Picture of Saint Patrick Blessing What Looks Like a Diseased Hippopotamus: Guy who was redacting went on break, monk took over.

Covered in Layers of Aluminum Foil: Redactor suddenly became aware this went all the way to the top.

Crossed Out in Pencil With Question Mark Written on Side: Redactor wasn’t sure of information’s importance, reminder to go back and ask someone, oops!

Yellow: This isn’t redacting! This is highlighting!

Purple: Information compromises Byzantine emperor.

Pale Green: Information reminded redactor of spring.

Turquoise: Information reminded redactor of last time he felt truly still.

Half-Inch Streak of Gorgeous Lavender: Lovely word the redactor wanted to keep to himself.

Brown Splotch: Redactor was eating gravy and spilled some on report.

Related:

Read the Mueller report

Read more from Alexandra Petri:

I wish we would talk more about Policy (just not Elizabeth Warren’s)

For the first, second and final time, the live-action ‘Lion King’ is not live-action!

There are good reasons you can’t see the Mueller report yet, so please stop asking