Hey! I got your first draft of the Impeachment Hearings. Some really great work here! Really great, and I don’t want you to be discouraged at all by the notes. I just wondered, in general: Could it have more pizzazz?

I enjoyed the hours of testimony, I don’t want to lose the whole “testimony before Congress” angle of it, and I liked the costume choices for everyone, especially bow-tie guy. I have not bothered to learn his name; to me, visuals are what count! But what if — this is just a pitch — instead of a guy reading into a microphone his account of an impeachable offense, something different happened? Instead of this long story of hearing the president request that government aid be withheld on condition that Ukraine investigate his political rival, what if — what if he sits there at the microphone and the crowd goes quiet. And he says, “I can’t testify . . .” — wild! And we pan over the crowd and there’s a new face there, a face we weren’t expecting. JOHN WICK! John Wick is there.

Already I’m riveted!

Then you hear a faint beat, just super faint, and everyone is looking around like, what is that? We cut to AOC (who should be there, as a famous face for people to latch on to), and we realize that the guy at the mic is going to sing. Or rap! Hamilton! We pan over the audience again because we want to know how John Wick is feeling about this, but he’s GONE. But you know who’s there?

It’s Sean Spicer, fresh off “Dancing With the Stars”! He comes in tap-tap-tapping to the beat! And the crowd hates it! Everyone’s throwing vegetables. It’s a true zoo atmosphere! An elephant stampedes through. A literal elephant. And everyone’s like, where did that come from? And John Wick smiles and puts his finger on his lips with the implication being that he knows but is not telling. I didn’t mention it, but John Wick is back. See, already, I’m more interested than I was by several hours of people asking and answering important questions about the fate of our democracy.

Or if we’re going for this courtroom drama vibe, what if we had it all be black and white? I think that could add some pizzazz. Like “To Kill A Mockingbird” vibes! Or! (I am loving this brainstorm!) Or — midway through, as the bow-tie man’s friend is singing his testimony, he looks out into the audience and freezes. I think one of several things can happen at this point. It could be that he sees, in the audience, a family member. We see that President Trump has brought this man, there’s a little box on the screen that explains that this man is someone’s relative from the old country, just like in “The Godfather: Part II,” and so the witness stops testifying and just waves his hands ineffectually. That could be very dramatic.

Or it could be that suddenly, he remembers: As a child, he fought this ancient, evil force, and this moment is exactly the 27-year-mark afterward, and he’s being called back to fight it again. And from the seats behind him surges up this enormous, hideous, possessed caricature of the Statue of Liberty, which symbolizes his personal insecurities and character flaws, and he has to stab it before he can keep testifying.

BOOM! BOOM! THUMP! Then we cut to a chase scene, where the ambassador is strapped to the back of a dune buggy racing through a desert landscape. Devin Nunes (mounted on a cow) is chasing him, getting closer and closer. And POW! SMASH! He testifies, and that testimony explodes behind him. And for viewers overseas, there is an added bonus that it’s all visual.

Follow Alexandra Petri‘s opinionsFollowAdd

Please cut any references to “quid pro quo," this feels very technical/legal jargony and I think alienates the audience.

Also all the stuff about the president. In general, this feels very political, I think people are tired of politics. They need a break. They need pizzazz.

Read more from Alexandra Petri: