I see that Mike Bloomberg hired a comedy writer to write jokes for him. I join the rest of the Internet in submitting a packet.
What is black and white and read all over? Not my tax returns, yet!
Knock knock. / Who’s there? / I’m here from the Bloomberg campaign. Do you have a minute so that I can talk to you about a candidate I’m genuinely excited about? / I’m here from the Bloomberg campaign. Do you have a minute so that I can talk to you about a candidate I’m genuinely excited about — who? / Elizabeth Warren.
Did you ever notice how unpleasant it is to travel economy on an airplane? No.
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Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani and Mike Bloomberg go out for a round of golf. (It’s funny because it’s true!)
What is more useful when it is broken? The system of election financing!
A major donor to Republican campaigns, a bad boss and the architect of stop-and-frisk walks into a bar. “Hello, Mayor Bloomberg,” the bartender says.
A man rode out of town on Sunday, stayed the whole night at a hotel, and rode back into town on Sunday. How is this possible? Sunday is his private jet.
I’ve been on a campaign diet! I’ve lost three states already!
How many Bloomberg supporters does it take to change a lightbulb? I don’t know, but here is $80 million.
Your mama’s life expectancy is so high because she lives in New York City under Mike Bloomberg’s leadership.
What’s a reference everyone in America will understand without any further explanation? The Naked Cowboy.
What did the billionaire say to the blonde? The answer is still covered by a nondisclosure agreement.
I’m sorry if anyone was offended. (This apology is a joke!)
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