Oh, no! Oh, no!

Is it my fault that the inspector general was fired? You must tell me if it was my fault. Oh, I am certain it was my fault! Oh, no, I am a failure, an abject waste of space! I am bad. I have been a bad dog!

I did not know that the person walking me was employed at the taxpayer’s expense. Oh, dear! I guess I never thought that it was a job anyone had to be paid to do at all, which now, of course, I see that it is! I have been bad, and this is all my fault. Had I known that this person was not an employee of the secretary himself but responsible to the taxpayers of the United States, I would certainly have behaved with greater dignity. I have endeavored to be loyal and obedient, although even I have not matched the secretary’s devotion to his own master, which is considerable.

It is all my fault that the inspector was fired! Oh, how terrible I feel! I respect anyone who likes to dig and dig and dig, throwing out all kinds of dirt and making a big mess, just in case there is something there, and so I am a fan of inspectors general. I did not think Mike would fire him. Mike likes good watchdogs, I thought! I think of myself as a good watchdog.

Oh, no, I am a bad watchdog! I did not raise any questions about the Madison Dinners! I should not have lain down and rolled over. I should have spoken! And the dry cleaning and the takeout — for what can I speak, if not to speak up at such a time? Now that I think about it, this all seems very black and white, although, in my defense, so does everything.

I hope another watchdog will succeed where I have failed. I know Mike said to reporters,“I’ve seen the various stories that someone was walking my dog to sell arms to my dry cleaner,” but — I had no involvement in any arms deals! To be quite clear! I also had no involvement in using an emergency invocation to get around congressional oversight. I understand how bad it is to act as though there is an emergency when there is not an emergency. That is usually what I do when demanding to be taken outside: barking frantically at the door, and then, when I get outside, doing nothing. But in this analogy, no one can get killed.

I will not sit and I will not stay, but I must speak about what has happened. I feel awful that because of a dog, the State Department IG has been let go! Here is a situation where I (the dog) was the tail wagging the dog (Mike Pompeo), if you see. I am not sure I see. But something smells, for sure.

If anyone must be fired like a dog, it should be me.

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