I’m going for a walk. Look at me.
But there are some bad people out there. Very bad and very evil people. They don’t want to look at me.
So I’ll tell the police to clear the way for me.
Tear gas? Don’t look at me!
Get out of the way so other people can look at me.
Who are you looking at? Me!
I like walking a few steps ahead of everyone, so you can get a good look at me.
Never mind the writing on the wall — just look at me.
And this wonderful lineup of tough guys — I have the power to make them all look at me.
Remember I told you about vicious dogs and ominous weapons? Now, they are right next to me.
LEFT: Shawn Thew/EPA-EFE/REX/Shutterstock RIGHT: Tom Brenner/Reuters
Look at me in front of this church building. Which church is this? Who cares? I’m not here for the church. I’m here for me.
(Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images)
My aides can’t wait to hear from me. But I have nothing to say, because this is just a photo stunt. So don’t look at the big microphone. Look at me.
Now I’m holding a Bible. Look at me.
LEFT: Tom Brenner/Reuters RIGHT: Patrick Semansky/AP
Should I say, “You’re fired"?
Oops, wrong show. I’m president now — look at me!
Okay. Stunt done. Heading home.
Last chance now. Look at me.
Absurd America examines the idiosyncrasies of life in the United States. Follow on Twitter
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