I have figured out what the problem is!

We have been going about this all wrong. All our experts have been wasting their time running simulations of all the ways the election might go wrong. And they have come up with LOTS of them!

Why do we do this to ourselves? Why must we always imagine nightmarish, bad future worlds instead of cheery, good future worlds where all the conflicts are things like “We have too much green energy and people are so healthy that they are bored by it"? This mania for imagining bad things gives encroaching dystopia the reassuring air of the familiar, since we know it from 100 percent of our reading!

We should spend more time imagining ways that the election can go right! Here are some good-case scenarios I have drawn up:

  • Donald Trump loses the election, concedes in a timely manner and willingly leaves office! (Already, we are having fun imagining a rosy scenario! This scenario is easy to envision because it has been the case for essentially every modern election in the United States and is not something we ever thought to question before now!)
  • Donald Trump loses the election, concedes in a timely manner, willingly leaves office and leaves a pleasant note for the next occupant wishing him well!
  • Donald Trump loses the election, concedes in a timely manner, willingly leaves office and leaves a pleasant, correctly spelled note for the next occupant wishing him well accompanied by an Edible Arrangement!
  • Donald Trump loses the election, concedes in a timely manner, willingly leaves office and leaves a pleasant, correctly spelled note for the next occupant wishing him well accompanied by an Edible Arrangement! And in the Edible Arrangement are his tax returns!

Okay, I understand that these scenarios are perhaps getting TOO rosy. We must envision some scenarios that account for hitches:

  • Donald Trump loses and there is a peaceful transition of power, a thing that was just a baseline expectation for the society we reside in until apparently now, but when you take the newspaper announcing this result out of the bag, it’s a little bit wet.
  • Donald Trump loses and there is a peaceful transition of power, but the toothpaste falls off your toothbrush and you don’t see where it wound up.
  • Donald Trump loses and there is a peaceful transition of power, but the next morning you have to squash a bug yourself and you don’t get it successfully on the first try.

But — we must dream a better dream if we are to manifest a better reality! We must dare greatly! I have not read “The Secret,” but I assume that is the note it would give me!

  • There is a clear winner on election night, and the president accepts it with good grace, as every president from the modern era has done — then everyone receives lollipops in the mail by mistake and these lollipops contain a covid-19 vaccine!
  • There is a clear winner on election night, the president accepts it with good grace, and every American opens their door to find a hand-written apology they deserved but never imagined they’d receive!
  • There is a clear winner on election night, the president accepts it with good grace, and Disney Plus is free!
  • There is a clear winner on election night, the president accepts the result, and it isn’t that Donald Trump gets reelected! I should have specified that earlier but I forgot to! Whoops!
  • There is a clear winner on election night! Also, you find parking immediately!
  • There is a clear winner on election night! And the new “Dune” turns out to be good!
  • There is a clear winner on election night, but Donald Trump refuses to accept the result. But then he says “Just kidding!” He was joking all along! It’s fine! What a fun time for the country! So many ways things can go right!

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