Some courageous Republicans have started asking the question: Do we really need to count ALL of the votes? After all, counting is hard. (This is also a good rationale for ending the census early.) It is an exhausting, full-body effort that can involve removing both socks. Also, saying, “Ah-ah-ah!” after each vote can cause you to lose your place, and then you have to start over. Instead of all this counting of ballots, which is tiring, can take a long time and can result in a result where a candidate other than Donald J. Trump wins, why not simply — not count them?

I wish I were joking, but I am never joking any longer; I am simply describing events in as straightforward a manner as I can in the hopes that somebody will want to stop them from happening! Florida’s Sen. Rick Scott has suggested a bill called the Voter Act that would require ballots to be counted within 24 hours of the polls’ closing and require that voter precincts “report the number of in-person and mail-in ballots received ONE HOUR [frightened caps mine] after polls close to identify the total universe of votes to be counted in the election”! Neat! Whatever will enable me to count the least amount! I hate democracy almost as much as I hate concerted effort of any kind! Anything that can’t be done in one hour isn’t worth doing at all, as the Founders would have said.

Counting these ballots is bad enough. But apparently a line must absolutely be drawn at counting a ballot that is not demurely clad. That is why the Trump campaign brought a lawsuit in Pennsylvania insisting that naked ballots not be counted (nudity, even in a ballot, is indecent and might make polls rise in frowned-upon ways), and the Pennsylvania Supreme Court agreed. All ballots submitted not in protective sheaths must be cast out! Great news, if you have not already mailed your ballot in Pennsylvania! Even less counting!

Donald Trump Jr. is also remaining vigilantly anti-counting-all-the-votes-that-have-been-cast. He delivered stirring words in a video to anyone will listen, letting them know that, “Their plan is to add millions of fraudulent ballots that can cancel your vote and overturn the election. We cannot let that happen.”

I can’t help feeling that perhaps I missed a key moment at the RNC when everyone came out against too much voting, in principle. I can see how they would have concluded that the concept was played out: Sure, the Founders were once keen on it, but they weren’t keen on it for everyone. A few reforms will go a long way to restore that founding spirit. Statues should get two votes. Women can vote through their husbands, which will be just as good. Black people can vote, of course, whenever Election Day falls on a Thursday. Simple, small reforms like that.

Or better yet, return us to the Founders’ own experiences. If living under a king was good enough for George Washington for the majority of his life, why should it not be good enough for us?

Dare we jeopardize that hope by counting all the ballots?

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