The following conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.
So, you’re the fly from the vice-presidential debate.
You were on Mike Pence’s head. From what I can gather of your age, you spent — that’s — that’s like if I were to spend a month on Mike Pence’s head. Maybe even longer. How long were those minutes for you?
I’m trying to imagine what it must have felt like to spend the fraction of your life that you have spent listening to Mike Pence claim that justice was served for Breonna Taylor and insisting that it was “not true” that the president had failed to condemn white supremacists. I can’t imagine it. I guess that’s not really a question.
The White House reportedly has a big fly problem. Is that where you hail from?
I’m sorry, I have to ask. I know that Reince Priebus spent a lot of his time in the —
— White House swatting flies on the president’s orders, so I know the vice president has difficulty —
Did you think Susan Page was an effective —
(The fly gives a conspiratorial twitch of its thorax that seems to invite me into a secret of our own making.)
And so when Vice President Pence was asked about — I’m sorry, whenever I interview anyone I feel like it’s just me talking and talking and then at the end I look at the transcript and I’m like, oh, I should have let them say something. But that’s the opposite of the problem that Mike Pence had tonight, not getting to talk.
BZZZZZZZZZZ BZZZZZ BZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Are you a fruit fly? Or do you mostly — if you could land on any substance, what would you land on?
(Very gracefully and with effortless cool, the fly deposits itself on a small pile of horse dung.)